What made us friends? Our music taste, our love for the arts and fashion, and our love of Finland. I was lucky enough to find another person who was as obsessed with things Finnish as I was. Obsessed with the different and the weird. We were both turned on and influence by it.
I hoped to see him grow into who I knew he was. That is what friends hope for. That did not happen. His heart stopped and his dreams never happened. I still picture him as 18 though I have moved on. Time did not stand still for him.
I was angry and tortured by what was left unsaid and what answers I demanded but could never know. There were long talks with God and staring at a corner hoping he would magically appear to have something to scream at. It festered inside instead.
After many years I saw how my life was evolving and I just could not hold on to him any longer. I had to become who I was meant to be. I was not 18 anymore. I still look at his picture and feel a rush a pain but I felt I needed to move on.
So here I am, moving to Norway. I’m doing things he never thought I would do and what he thought was the impossible.
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