What made us friends? Our music taste, our love for the arts and fashion, and our love of Finland. I was lucky enough to find another person who was as obsessed with things Finnish as I was. Obsessed with the different and the weird. We were both turned on and influence by it.
I hoped to see him grow into who I knew he was. That is what friends hope for. That did not happen. His heart stopped and his dreams never happened. I still picture him as 18 though I have moved on. Time did not stand still for him.
I was angry and tortured by what was left unsaid and what answers I demanded but could never know. There were long talks with God and staring at a corner hoping he would magically appear to have something to scream at. It festered inside instead.
After many years I saw how my life was evolving and I just could not hold on to him any longer. I had to become who I was meant to be. I was not 18 anymore. I still look at his picture and feel a rush a pain but I felt I needed to move on.
So here I am, moving to Norway. I’m doing things he never thought I would do and what he thought was the impossible.
To learn more about suicide awarness month click here.
I love skin. I love skincare. I love the science. I love the history. The products. Make up. Make up application. Special effects. Making someone feel beautiful and healthy. I love the ability to change one’s appearance into something very different. I enjoy naturalism and purity of ingredients. Here is a favorite artist of mine:
I am an esthetician or at least I was one. This is a title meaning a skin specialist- one that is legally allowed in the chosen state to preform skin facials and other modalites for the face and body. I could even have my own line of skin care or make up. I don’t know if I am allowed to call myself an esthetician any longer. As of this month, I am legally not allowed to preform services in the state of Illinois. I let my licence expire.
Why do that? It takes three years in Norway to become an esthetician versus the seemingly pathetic 6 months it takes in Illinois. I would rather redo my licence in Norway than pay for what I believe to be inferior education in the US. We also really don’t have the money nor the time for me to go through education again in the US.
I don’t have plans as to what I will do now. Having a line of skincare or make up of my own is a dream but I don’t know if I will ever accomplish it. I feel content exploring and dabbling in the art and science of skin and beauty for now. I will simply be an artist and scientist.
Many people dream of seeing the Aurora Borealis- especially in Norway. Someone recently asked me if I had. Let me just say it was unexpected.
My husband, mother in law and I were driving at night. They all of a sudden pointed and said “Oh look!” I looked out the window and saw this ghostly green light hovering over the water. It moved to me like it was a spirit of some kind and honestly freaked me out. “What it is that?!” They told me it was the Auroras. That was my first encounter with them.
My next encounter with them did not freak me out as much. It still left me in awe. It was on New Years. There was an awesome display of Auroras over Alesund. It reflected over the water and was undisturbed by the fireworks. They were far more visible than my first sighting. I was so happy about the display I wasn’t freaked out by them this time. (I was also around many Norwegians so I had to keep my cool. HAHA!)
I will admit that some people I know don’t even know that we’re moving yet. We are waiting for the right time to announce it to family. I know some relatives may take it hard or even get angry. I’ve already had people just say “Why don’t you get a full time job and get insurance?” “Why are you moving? Just for healthcare?”
They don’t get it. My overall health will improve by moving. Food quality and water quality are other reasons to move. Food is fresh. For example, I was making breakfast once and kept throwing out eggs. The yolk was orange so I thought it was rancid. My brother in law stopped me and said they are supposed to be that way! Our yellow yolk eggs in the US are old. Then meat is also fresher. Red dye is not added to meat to make it look fresh like in the US. Water can be drank from the mountain streams right outside my mother-in-law’s house. Water around here in the US is filthy. I wouldn’t even swim in Lake Michigan anymore.
I also feel I do not need to explain to others how I feel everyday. I battle not sleeping constantly. That the doctors know I have some kind of autoimmune disorder that they decided to call fibromyalsia for lack of any other name to call it. They don’t know the thousands I spend each year on just type 1 diabetic supplies alone. They have no clue how much medication I’m on to just be healthy and prevent worse things down the road.
Another comment was about that I would not be safe from terrorism. “The world is too crazy right now.” The world was crazy starting with September 11th. I was young then and I vowed that I would not live in fear, since that is what they want. Living in fear is not freedom. I will not wait till things “settle down” in the world. I don’t think that will happen in my lifetime.
I’m finding that justifying myself to other people is just reassuring all the reasons to move. Although it’s very annoying, I’m getting myself more and more at ease. This is really an exciting time in my life. I should be happy and not scared of all these things people keep bringing up.